Okay, here's what ya do Mr Catsspawn...fer yer birthday:
Get a bottle of warm beer. Lousy weak American beer. Maybe OKeefe or Coors or something. Take off all yer clothes. Take off the bottle cap and plug the hole with yer thumb FAST! Then shake it up REAL GOOD!
NOw ram the bottle WAY up yer ass and remove yer thumb (yeah, I know it feels good in there, but do it anyway). WHAMMO! The jet of beer suds will blast yer innards all the way up to yer Eyeballs!!! What a rush!!!
It won't stop ;yer farts, but it'll give them a whole new quality fer at leatst 24 hours. They'll be real bubbly. You might get kinda bloated too.
What the flip! It's all American beer is good for anyways, eh?