"Wisdom"

Never read the fine print. There ain't no way you're
going to like it.

If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely
your behind will get soaking wet.

The only two things we do with greater frequency in
middle age are urinate and attend funerals.

The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody
has the same size bucket.

To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.

Do you realize that in about 40 years, we'll have
thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?

Money can't buy happiness -- but somehow it's more
comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.

Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel
single.

Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of
Halloween.

After a certain age, if you don't wake up aching in
every joint, you are probably dead.