i want to tell you all about two musical events I've been to, one several years ago, and one a few weeks ago.

At the first one, a group of us were in one room, where a harp was playing and a few other instruments. Some parents left their kids (ages about 3 to 10) in this room, while the parents went to another room to dance. As the evening wore on, the kids got obnoxious. Finally, a shoe went flying through the air and crashed right into the strings of the harp! I took matters into my own hands and delivered a serious scolding. No more shoes flew, but the kids continued to bully the littlest one, walking up to him and pushing down to the floor.

Later I read a magazine column by the pediatrician Terry Brazelton. He pointed out something I had never grasped - that when adults are tired, they get quieter and quieter, but when kids are tired, they get wilder and wilder. They need adults to make them calm down when it gets past their bedtime. You don't have to be mean about this, but as an adult you do have to require that they calm down and behave themselves.

A few weeks ago I was at a traditional concert at a church. The artists had come a hundred miles to perform. Sometime during the second half, someone's kid pulled a fire alarm. (Probably one of the kids I had seen in the audience during the first half.) Here is was, 9:30 to 10:00 at night, and young kids were being allowed to roam the building unsupervised. Well, the alarm shrieked, and brilliant lights flashed, and the promoters ran around like mad trying to turn it off. And of course, no one knew how, and they had no emergency contact that they could telephone. After a few minutes I couldn't take it anymore, and I left.

This is another example of tired kids getting wild. Parents, keep them with you! The child that you can trust to play happily at 2 in the afternoon cannot be trusted alone at 9 or 10 at night. At parties, the rough-housing and rambunctiousness have to stop before it's too late. Earlier, such things are fine, but not when it's late.

Since I read Brazelton's column and have talked about it with friends and family, we have been having more pleasant get-togethers, and the kids get to sleep better. That means happier kids and more fun the next day.