The Mudcat Café TM
Thread #69252   Message #1206925
Posted By: MartinRyan
14-Jun-04 - 10:43 AM
Thread Name: Origins: Eighteenth of June
Subject: RE: Origins: Eighteen of June

If it feels comfortable to you - go for it!

Two minor suggestions you might consider:
1. Battle/gown seems to sit much less easily than yoNder/gowN

2. "Amid the ruin and the destruction of the battle" looks to be two syllables too many for comfort? To me, "'mid" and "of battle" would seem easier.

IMHO what makes this song work is the combination of a lsow jig tune, soft delivery and a sense of loss.

Good luck with it!