Here's a parody verse from http://www.toadalamode.com/ashcroft.html:

Let the eagle soar,
Soar with freedom in her breast
So long as she's appropriately dressed
And not exposing her chest.
As the lands beneath her say
"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away."
But we shall overcome.
We won't let the First Amendment stand in our way.
O, let the eagle soar,
But the Bill of Rights ignore
'Cause we're in a state of war
Yes, let the mighty eagle soar.

Humor from Dave Letterman (http://www.cbs.com/latenight/lateshow/top_ten/archive/ls_topten_archive2002/ls_topten_archive_20020410):

Top Ten Reasons John Ashcroft Would Not Sing On Our Show

10. Pre-show partying with Mayor Bloomberg left him in no condition to perform

9. He insisted on singing shirtless

8. Depressed there were only a dozen screaming teenage girls at the stage door

7. Refused to do "Let The Eagle Soar" unless we paid for hair and makeup for the eagle

6. Needs to rest voice for upcoming Ashcroftpalooza tour

5. Too busy tapping my phones

4. Been depressed ever since his eagle stopped soaring, if you know what I mean

3. For some reason he thought we'd make fun of him

2. The vibe wasn't right, man

1. Blah, blah upholding the dignity of the office, blah, blah

Here's part of a blog from an audience member on Letterman's on the night Ashcroft didn't sing (from http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/watw/02-04/ashcroft.shtml):

Before the show began, all people who would be sitting near the front (which, on this day, included myself) were briefed in the auditorium's lobby on how to behave during the taping. In short: "Force the laughter." But about halfway through this synopsis, I heard a voice, clear and strong, echoing through the halls of the theater, almost like the voice of God itself. And it sang:

"Let the eagle soar!
Like she's never soared before!
From rocky coast to golden shore!
Let the mighty eagle soar!"

So the rumors were true! Ashcroft was going to sing! I released a deep sigh, truly grateful to be alive. This was not going to be a moment to be missed.

Sure enough, the time I'd spent waiting to be permitted entrance into the theater, soaking in the rain and being shouted at by a homeless man holding a "NEED MONEY FOR DRUG BEER HOOKER BUT AT LEAST I'M NOT BULLSHITTING YOU" sign, paid off-- I was seated front and center on the balcony directly overhanging the stage. After a characteristically painful monologue, Letterman brought out the guest of honor. Immediately, the band launched into the opening bars of "Let the Eagle Soar," and the house came down with applause.

But something was not right.

Apparently, during rehearsal, Ashcroft had thought that he sounded a little flat. He was having trouble keeping together with the band. So, as we would expect from a high-ranking policymaker like Ashcroft, a last-minute decision was made: the fucker didn't sing.

Over and over again, Letterman prompted Ashcroft to be so generous as to share his blessed baritone with the good people in TV land. And over and over again, Ashcroft responded only by laughing, snorting nervously, and changing the topic. Somehow, he eventually ended up on a mildly terrifying tirade about how wonderful it is that he can now monitor and arrest lawyers and translators. At the last minute, he asked permission to go "rock out" on the keyboards. Permission was granted. And suddenly, there was an instant of hope! Ahhh, but the bastard just wouldn't give. Instead, he played through a barbaric interpretation of "Can't Buy Me Love," instantly falling out of step with the band and playing with all the style and soul of a Chuck E. Cheese automaton with a broom up its ass.

In fact, the only really entertaining portions of the show were the ones that didn't make it onto television: a production assistant begging and pleading with Ashcroft to sing, and best of all, the incredibly uncomfortable look on Ashcroft's face while a perfectly straight male techie adjusted his lapel mic.

Recently, many have criticized John Ashcroft for what they perceive as unnecessarily harsh policy. Now, I'm neither an immigrant, nor of Arab descent, so these policies really don't mean shit to me on a personal level. What does mean shit to me is that I waited in line in the rain to hear "Let the Eagle Soar"-- and the eagle didn't fucking soar. Sure, the man can legislate, however questionably, from the comfort of his office. But when push came to shove, he simply didn't have the balls to give the people what they'd always wanted: the opportunity to witness Attorney General John Ashcroft crashing and burning to the sound of his own voice on national television. Pussy.

-Matt LeMay