Mains Aeroplane was written by G.S. Morris, writer of, A pair O' Nicky Tams, Aikie Brae, Neeps Tae Pluck, Muckin'O'Geordie's Byre and dozens of other fine songs. I "do" this as a recetation rather than a song and over the years the words have changed.


Mains' Aeroplane
(G.S. Morris)

No some folks are auld fashon't, an' some up tae date
Some progressive, it rins in the blood.
Some folks are aie keen tae try onithin' new
While'st, eithers, jist stick in the mud.
Noo Mains wis the first, when motors cam in
Aye an first wae the tractors again
Sae he took lessions in fleein an' landit', last nicht
At the mains wae his new aeroplane.

Noo Mains is naethin' if nae up tae date
There's naethin' that he disnae ken.
He wis a proud man, on the night he did lan'
Et the Mains wae his new aeroplane.

Noo he cried tae his guid wife,
Wha's tall lang an' wide,
Tae loup in an' an nae look sae queer
But she slippet her fit gaein the cockpit
An landit slap bang through the flare.
The bailie ran ou'er, tae help the guid wife
When the propeller again gaed a wharil
An the the bailie went sailin' baith heels ower heed
Airms flappin tae curtail his treval.

Noo Mains he is naethin' if nae up tae date
There's naethin' that he disnae ken.
The 'plane roared an' hissed, sae the wife wisnae missed
When the engine wis stertet' again.

Wae a deal 'o a roar, the 'plane it did soar
Took the dwallin' hoose lum in it's stride,
An then it made tracks for the corn-rig stacks
An scattert the rucks far an' wide.
Mains stuck tae the wheel, though his brain it did reel,
For ye never saw Mains mack a fuss,
But somethin' gaed wrang an' he landet wae a bang,
On the tap 'o a northin bound bus.

Aye Mains he is naethin' if nae up tae date
There's naethin' that he disnae ken.
He did somethin' quick, then he pu'ed the joy stick
An the engine wis roarin' again.

Noo, the wheels 'o the 'plane through the buss they did crash
When Mains' engine again stertet speedin,
Sae the bus an' the plane took aff airborn again
Last seen headet for Norway or Sweeden.
Noo Mains' wife looks in vain for the lost aeroplane
Peerin skywards baith hither an' tiher
An' wonderin' how Mains' 'plane, bus an' crew
Wid fin their wie hame a' the gither.

Bit Mains' wife she is naethin' if nae up tae date
There's naethin that she disnae ken
Bonfires she will burn, tae guide his return
Tae the mains wae his bus-aeroplane.