Take a watermelon and cut a plug from the rind. Put a bottle of vodka to drain into the melon. This will take a good half hour. Put the plug back in the melon. Cut up the melon and eat it. Forget about the tomato juice. That's for the next day.

If you eat more than a few slices of the melon, you will begin to swallow the seeds or spit them at your cat. If you swallow the seeds, you will get the runs. If you spit them at your cat, your cat will leave the room. If you do both, and you have to go quickly to the loo, be careful not to trip over your cat.