Iraq now belongs to Iraq, two days earlier than promised. If the United States were your local cable company, the handover would have occurred on June 30, sometime between 9:00 AM and 5:00 PM. And then when they showed to hand it over, you would be in the shower.
9:00 AM - President Bush congratulates "Iraqi President what's-his-name and Prime Minister Blah-blah-blah." 9:30 AM - Paul Bremer explains the reason the transfer took place two days early - "I have Yankee tickets." 10:00 AM - Iraqi officials inspect damage, refuse to return United States' security deposit. 10:30 AM - New tourist slogan announced: "Iraq - why the hell would you want to come here?" 11:00 AM - Inspired by President Bush, interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi leaves for a month-long vacation. 11:30 AM - In its first official act, interim Iraqi government sends congratulatory note to newly engaged Britney Spears Noon - Dedication of the Sean Penn Turnpike 12:15 PM - Every member of the government automatically goes on Halliburton payroll. 12:30 PM - President Bush asks President Ghazi Al-Yawer to change his name to something easier to pronounce like "Jeb." 2:00 PM - Interim Prime Minister Ayad Allawi makes a pass at his first intern. 3:00 PM - Bush goes to see "Fahrenheit 9/11." Enjoys a good laugh at what a dolt he is. 4:00 PM - Donald Rumsfeld provides United States ground commanders with plans to invade and conquer the new Iraq. 6:00 PM - President Bush begins process of handing over control of the United States to John Kerry.