Amos-

"So Pete would ponder his orful fate
As he hung from the leeward shitter
For he'd nary a friend, nor nary a mate
And his thoughts grew long, and bitter."

LOL......lol......LOL

I figured you would come up with some dramatic ballad that would appeal to the "gullible."

Your song does work better than my abortive attempt:

As I was a-rolling long the quay at Antalya,
I spied a young seagull dejected and blue...

Cheerily,
Charley Noble