Ok, here is an example of the stuff I'd like to record, but they would ruin my reputation. I'd be called a COMEDIAN instead of a humorist.

Abner Larrabee is a lifelong country bumpkin from Machias. One day he went to the big city, Bangor, on business. While there, he decided to get his hair cut in one of them fancy shops. While he was getting trimmed, there was a beautiful scantilly clad young woman fussing about and he couldn't take his eyes off her. All the women he knows are so ugly the tide won't take them out. He didn't know that she was a manicurist, and he didn't know there was such a thing, so you can imagine what he thought she was. After his hair is cut, she took his hand and said "Would you like to have your cuticle pushed back"?
He shrank back in great embarrassment and replied "Oh no dear, I'm afraid it's back as far as it goes."