Johnny Cash screamed, "It's a ring of Fire! we're surrounded!"

"To the jacuzzi! to the jacuzzi!" screamed JennyO, JennieG and Freda!

No, ladies, there's another way, said Johnny Cash. He ripped the medieval tapestry from the wall, and threw it across the fire in the passage, smothering it – and clearing a fire free zone in front of the doorway.

RUUUUNN! He screamed, and Leadfingers, Micca, the Aesthete, Jennie G, JennyO, Freda, Bill D, Col K, Morticia, Pixie, Rhymin' Simon, Jacquic, Liz the Squeak, Manitas, Kendall, Jacqui C, Ellenpoly (wearing sunglasses) Rosie, Sinsull, Chief Chaos, Amos, Rapaire and a number of others ran through the door and down the fire stairs.

"It's gonna take more than a douche bag to put out THIS fire" screamed Johnny Cash to someone who was swearing a lot and making a lot of noise about weiner dogs, as he ran by...

Chongo leapt at Magenta, flung one strong muscular arm around her, leapt at the 1,500 piece crystal chandelier, swung on it across to the window and leapt out, taking Magenta with him, her raven black hair flying behind her like a river of ebony.

Johnny Cash turned, looked at Vlad, who was swooning in the corner, covering his ears and muttering something about banjos.. and picked up the smouldering tapestry and threw it over him. He ran through every room, and, satisfied that there was no one else left inside, no-one but that undead Transylvanian scumbag, he ran past the oaning Vlad and out the door.

Down the fire stairs could be heard a thundering, like a heard of a million elephants, to the tune of "Deliverance", and down the bottom, waiting for them in the foyer, were Nigel and Reggie who were still arguing about who should go upstairs and investigate the screams.