I know a couple (two men) who live in California who have been together for well over thirty years. They aren't "married," but they might as well be. Their relationship is far more stable than a lot of male-female marriages I'm acquainted with. And they're what might be considered "pillars of the community." One teaches at a local university (often going around the country and abroad lecturing on his subject), and the other knows all there is to know about English royalty through history, and is an authority on the American Civil War. He tutors the kids of rich folks (including movie stars) who are having trouble in school. He charges plenty, but the kids learn. They are a stable, reliable couple: home-owners and tax payers.

I also know another couple (men—and they went through a marriage or "commitment" ceremony) who are active in the church I often attend. They're both attorneys, and one of them is on the church council. Everyone in the church knows their relationship and nobody cares; it's their business and nobody else's. In fact, the commitment ceremony was conducted in the church by the pastor. All the bells and whistles:   invitations, flowers, reception in the parish house, the works. During the past decade, they have adopted two Chinese orphans (went to China to get them). The first is about six now and I think the second is around three or so. They're happy kids, obviously being well raised, and lest anyone wonder about the psychological effects of being raised by two fathers, consider that these two kids are a helluva lot better off now than if they had been left in the orphanage.

Barbara and I also know a Lesbian couple or two. Two women living together seem to raise far fewer eyebrows than two men. But we live in a particularly tolerant (I prefer to think "enlightened") area of the city, and although you don't really see it that often, two men walking down the street hand-in-hand goes essentially unnoticed.

Barbara and I have been happily married for nearly twenty-seven years. I cannot figure out how these folks' relationships, whether they are married or just living together, in any way threaten our marriage. Anyone who maintains that it does is going to have to explain it to us in specific and explicit terms.

There is a gay man (also in a relationship) in the writers' group that Barbara and I belong to. One day I got to discussing the matter of gay marriage with him. My thought was that there are two factors involved:   one is the legal relationship, covering matters such as insurance, inheritance, being regarded as next of kin in hospital situations, etc.; in general, having the same legal status and rights as a heterosexual marriage. The other would be the religious aspect:   wedding or commitment ceremony in a church, similar to a heterosexual wedding. There are a number of mainstream churches around this city that will perform such a ceremony for a same-sex couple. But should this not be offered in the church of their choice, at least the legal aspects are taken care of in a civil ceremony. He pretty much agreed, but he did insist that the word "marriage" should apply. Having never been one to "stand on ceremony" so to speak, I'm not sure why this is so important to him, but apparently it is. As far as I'm concerned, that's fine.

After all, it does not affect Barbara and me in any way that I can see.

I remember seeing an interview on TV with the late Quentin Crisp, well know British gay man (used to refer to himself as "one of the stately homos of England"). Along in years, his appearance was quite androgynous: shirt and slacks (could be worn by either sex), fairly long hair, bluish tint. The interviewer commented on his appearance and asked him if he were ever asked whether he was a man or a woman. He responded that it happens quite often. He said that his stock response was, "Does it matter? What did you have in mind?"

Think about it.

Don Firth

P. S.: By the way, as far as the proposed Constitutional amendment is concerned, those who propose it display their ignorance of what the Constitution is all about:

The citizens of this country are free to do anything they want, unless it is specifically forbidden by law. [Laws are passed by legislators, not by Constitutional amendment or executive order.]

The government of this country is not free to do anything, unless it is specifically permitted by the Constitution.