It does seem to me, daylia, that your gay and Lesbian acquaintances are a collection of pretty dysfunctional people. The community in which you live, particularly if it is small, may be a major factor in this.

I live in Seattle, which is a city of approximately half a million people within the city limits, but with a population of nearly three million if you include the suburbs such as Lake City, Shoreline, Burien, Bellevue, and Renton, all within ten to twenty minutes' drive. This area has something of a reputation for being liberal; if not always politically liberal, at least socially liberal. There is, of course, prejudice against gays and Lesbians, but there is also a fairly high level of acceptance of people with different life-styles. As an indicator of this, there are several churches in and around the city (including the one I often attend) that are signatories to the "Reconciled in Christ" policy which is paraphrase in my church's "Affirmation of Welcome":

We affirm with the apostle Paul that in Christ "there is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female" (Galatians 3:28). Christ has made us one. . . . " Although our world can seem to be a place of alienation and brokenness, Christ calls us to reconciliation and wholeness. We are challenged by Christ to care for, to love, to understand, and to listen to each other, regardless of our race, age, gender, marital status, physical and mental abilities, sexual/affectional orientation [emphasis mine], national origin or economic status. We celebrate the special gifts that each has to bring. All people are welcome within the membership of Central Lutheran Church. . . .

This is one of a number of churches that is perfectly willing to conduct commitment or marriage ceremonies for same sex couples, and indeed has done so several times. A number of gay men and Lesbian women who, thankful for finding a church in which their gender orientation is considered irrelevant, have thrown themselves into church activities with such enthusiasm and vigor that this small, inner-city church's social programs are making a real difference in the community (serving the homeless, the hungry, the mentally ill, wherever there is a need). The two men of whom I spoke belong to this church, and this is how I met them and know of their adoption of the two boys. I see the boys almost every Sunday. They are in the church's Sunday school. Incidentally, the church has two pastors. One is a young woman, the other a very large black man who wears an earring. I should also note for the record that this is not a "gay church." The majority of members are straight. It is a mainline (ELCA) Lutheran church and a member in good standing of the Pacific Northwest Synod.

This may be something of a microcosm, but I think there is a macro-lesson to be learned here:   given a modicum of acceptance—which is to say, given half a chance to live a normal life, unhassled by the wider social climate within which they live—gays and Lesbians are just like anybody else.

Also just for the record, as far as my own sexual orientation is concerned, it was never a matter of choice. I am heterosexual, have always been (from the time I first learned about sex on, there was never a question in my mind—or body), and I have been happily married for nearly three decades. I do not find the idea of intimate sexual relations with a member of my own sex distasteful or "disgusting," the idea just does not appeal to me. It doesn't turn me on and I am not interested in such a relationship. But my orientation is mine, and I have no right to impose my life-style on someone else any more than they have a right to impose theirs on me. I consider that one of the basic freedoms.

Don Firth