The male version is in the forum -

This is the woman's version

Masturbation

(TUNE: Funiculi, Funicula)

Last night I laid at home and masturbated,
It did me good, I knew it would.
All night, the bed spings viber-ated
I think it's canny, to rub my fanny.

You should have seen me on the short strokes,
It felt so grand, I used my hang.
You should have seen me on the long strokes,
Around and round, and up and down.

Eased it, teased it, slid along the floor,
Rubbed it scrubbed it tickled it to the core.
Some people say that being fucked is very grand,
But for personal enjoyment, I would rather use my hand.

Sincerely,
Gargoyle