((((Susan)))), I also remember my twin sister, who died undetected and partially developed in utero on an unknown date and was born with me on May 10th. The feelings you and I have, as the surviving twins under these circumstances have much in common with all loss, but also have something remarkable and unique to this situation. I have always found it very helpful and illuminating to talk to other surviving twins through the Lone Twin Network (in Britain; there are similar organisations in the US and Australia).

A natural time for me to think of my twin is on my birthday. It always happens naturally, I never seem to have to make that happen in any kind of formal way. I see it as a time to celebrate and give thanks for precious life and to hope that by living my life to the full and in the best way I can, I am also acknowledging her.

I know exactly what you mean about 'the cycle replaying itself in different ways in present time'. There are times in life (any time in the year, not only a particular anniversary) when present circumstances seem overwhelming and life becomes full of all kinds of "what-might-have-beens", including thoughts of people who are not here with us. It can happen on happy occasions, too. I remember my dad most, for instance, when I'm listening to my daughter playing the flute, or when she and I are aching with laughter.

What starts off as some small thing that spontaneously sparks thoughts of the lost one can be turned around into a lovely *way* of remembering or honouring someone. I have two of these, very personal to me, for my twin: Some years ago, in a meditation workshop, all participants were asked to "hold your own hand". Perhaps only another surviving twin can appreciate what that means. The other came from the surprising spontaneous reaction I had the first time I heard myself singing alongside another track of myself on a recording. I couldn't help but grin from ear to ear. Then I realized why. Singing has become extra enjoyable ever since. Again, maybe only another surviving twin would understand this. It's just a knowing that when I'm doing what I enjoy in life and really feeling that I'm living, she's doing it, too. What better reason to enjoy all that is good ?

All the above is very personal and individual, as it inevitably must be.

- jeanie