where to start....

lessee....years ago, in Wichita, Kans., I lived in a large house near the university, and somehow became 'acquainted' with a little fellow who started to hang around and drop by the house at odd times. We had quite a circle of friends, and some nice parties, and 'ol Lucien would arrive and 'mix in'.

Now you all know someone like Lucien...he didn't carry on a conversation exactly....he sorta recited facts..(sometimes randomly, sometimes vaguely related to something in the general conversation)"I have a new camera. It cost me $125. It will take pictures in very low light" "I got drunk last night" "This book is all about the mating habit of wombats"...

Well, he was mostly inoffensive, but gradually he got the idea that we had 'adventures' and parties that were more than he was invited to....as if we waited to start the Mazola Orgy until he left (if only!).

One day he came by when a woman friend was waiting for us to come home..(he did know her slightly)..."Hi", he said to Kathy, "would you like to go to a drunken orgy and poker party?" ..."Uh...no, thank you.", said Kathy...".....so, a few days later Lucien came by in slightly less than sober state and tried to explain to my (ex)wife how he had become 'involved' with a couple who were swingers, and was essentially being used as a party toy to enhance their love-life....fascinating! (yes, he gave details...you don't want to know)

We all shook our heads and chuckled over this for awhile, half suspecting that wimpy little Lucien was embellishing the facts.......then one night we came home late, and walked in thru the entrance hall and were greeted by this vision of these very long legs in the VERY short, white skirt sitting, legs crossed, across from the door, with a stocky guy in a half unbuttoned shirt in the next chair, and Lucien, quite drunk, across the room, trying to introduce us to his 'friends'. I guess he thought that if we met, we would fall all over ourselves to join him in his menagé...Well, after some awkward conversation the couple figured out that Lucien had misled THEM about what they could expect, and fairly graciously hustled him out....

.....we didn't see a lot of Lucien for awhile, and we thought he had decided we were just not interesting enough...etc....but then, a year or so later, I was in the yard, and he drives up...with someone else in the car! He got out, opened the car door, and helped out onto my lawn the frumpiest, ugliest, snaggle-toothed, disheveled looking woman I ever HOPE to meet, and, smiling happily, said to me..."Hi, Bill, I'd like you to meet my fianceé, Mrs. Fred Fuchs!"...(that is a direct quote, you don't forget a line like that...) I don't remember much about the rest of the converstaion, as my mind was racing trying to figure out how we were going to deal with TWO of them... Fortunately, he sorta quit coming by after that..(wedded bliss with Mrs. Fuchs?) we saw him a few times in his car, alone, but tried not to wave...*wry grin*


I give Lucien a 6....he never took his clothes off when we were watching...