nice one, JennyO.

Never pick up a hitchhiker wearing a cowboy hat and a hospital gown.

   If you're an old man and go into a bar in your pajamas, somebody   will buy you a drink.

Don't try to start the "wave" at a ballet.

With a few tools, a torch, and metal rod, you can lengthen and bend a backscratcher around so you can scratch your front, also.

Drill a hole in the center of your soap so you won't be left with those little bits at the end.

Save on xerox paper, keep one blank sheet, so when you're about to run out of blank paper you can just copy more.

If your wife or girlfriend asks if you think another woman is attractive, say yes, but then, hesitantly, find specific faults with the woman. (There's a whole world of things that are wrong with utterly beautiful women, things that straight men often don't know or care about--look in women's magazines for ideas.) Then finish with, But still, I'd do her.

If ye hath a garment or piece of garb that sayeth, Do not wash in chlorine bleach, it hath been chemically bleached and yea, verily, do not use any bleaches, lest it yellow.