Imagine if they delay the election. This could mean that Bush would be the longest serving president never to get elected. —Jay Leno, on reports that the election may be delayed in the event of a terrorist attack

One guy who's excited about the handover is President George Bush. He's thrilled about turning over power back to Iraq. You know why? Because he's thinking about invading them again. —David Letterman

Saddam Hussein is about to face trial and George Bush wants to execute him. Not because of the war crimes, but because Saddam is beating him in the polls.

Rumors have restarted that the Republican ticket will not be Bush-Cheney. But today those rumors were put to rest when Cheney said, 'No, I'm keeping him on the ticket.'

Newly released transcripts reveal that President Nixon was drunk during the Arab-Israeli crisis of 1973. After hearing this, President Bush said, 'Hey, so was I!'