President Bush gave a speech at the United Nations. I don't want to say it was a hostile crowd, but they had Bush stand behind a screen made of chicken wire.

Saddam Hussein is depressed but defiant and still claims that he's the Constitutionally elected president of his country. So basically, he's the Iraqi Al Gore.

President Bush spoke to the United Nations. The bad news, the nations are united against us!

We begin tonight with a simple, indisputable fact: as a young man, President George W. Bush benefited from family connections to get a place in the Texas Air National Guard, thus avoiding service in Vietnam. As you would guess, this has led to calls for the resignation of Dan Rather.

The President opened by declaring a victory in the 'War on Rather.

Bush pointed to positive signs in Iraq, like how the economy is taking off, thanks to a booming car bomb business.

What happened to John Edwards? You know, I thought you weren't supposed to go into your secret location until after you're vice president!

Bush and Kerry are still arguing over the details of the debates. Here's what I'd like to see: Can they get the orchestra from the Emmy Awards for the debates? So when a candidate starts going on and on ... just play that song until they shut up.

A Bush administration official told Congress yesterday that the war in Iraq could cost 60 billion dollars. Yeah, President Bush said he plans to pay for it with a video series called, 'Prison Guards Gone Wild.'