"They are bland, tasteless spongy bits of crap." Oh, come on! They have sugar and fat in them. They aren't that tasteless. When I was a senior in high school, my lunch usually consisted of a package of twinkies and a half pint of chocolate milk.

Twinkes aren't all that great for the munchies. You want potato chips or corn chips or Slim Jims or those little frozen egg rolls. You want salt. Maybe the dope back in Spaw's day inspired cravings of a different sort, I don't know.