1 excaped parrot + one 'usband 'oo is out puttin' up reward posters = a nice quiet 'ouse.

You can lead a man to water, but 'e won't drink it if e's got any access to alcoholic beverages what so ever.

Anyfink a man tells you about 'is vital statisticks can be counted on to be inflated by a factor of no less than 120 Per Cent, minimmum! And in most cases it's worse than that! Ask a Scotsman, and you can raise that factor to 300%. There's no use askin' an Irishman, cos 'e's probably too drunk to use it anyway!