Bad news. Very bad news. The bloody parrot is back! Some fecking "good samaritan" returned 'im to the bosom of 'is family!!! Bloody flamin' 'ell!!!!

Me Eddie is in transports of joy now that 'e 'as got 'is stupid noisy parrot back, and I am fit to be tied. First thing when the bird saw me, 'e gives an 'orrible screech, like always. I yells at
'im, "You shut yer stupid gob!" 'E yells back at me, "You shut yer ugly face!" I don't know where 'e learnt that, because I never said them words in this 'ouse. 'E's been keepin' bad company somewheres.

Well, I went for 'im wif the broom 'andle, but me Eddie wouldn't let me kill 'im. The stupid git finks the world of that bloody bird, because it cost 'im 250 quid on Ebay. 'E's too proud to admit that the 250 quid 'as been squandered and lost forever on a tragically stupid error!

You could cut the air wif a knife in this 'ouse tonight. I've made up me mind. Either the parrot goes or I do. Mark me words, it's the bird or me this time!