You're absolutely right, Mary. The Catholic Church is a subversive neo-Nazi organization that intends to lead the world to Hitler. It's all a subversive plot, and the world will soon be taken over by Nazi priests and nuns who arrive in black helicopters, singing super ugly songs and goose-stepping with outstretched arms. It was a good place in the days of your childhood, but it was taken over by Nazi spies after World War II. Soon, it will take over the world and bring it to Hitler.

Don't bother asking a priest for an explanation. He'll only lie to you and tell you the extended arm is an ancient symbol of blessing that has been used for millenia. He'll say the gesture has always been used by priests in giving blessings, but that it hadn't been used by lay people in the last few centuries, until it was restored recently. See? That proves he's a Nazi! All lies!!!

There - are you happy now?
If you are, then I have to say I'm very disappointed in you. I think you need to do some serious thinking, and it really would be a good idea for you to talk with a priest or other parish leader. You have a lot of misconceptions to let go of. Open your mind and spend some time studying the history of Catholic rituals and symbols. Almost all of the "new" practices are restorations of ancient traditions that had been practiced for centuries and forgotten in the Middle Ages. Those "ugly" songs that use scripture texts for lyrics are a good example.

-Joe Offer, who must be a heretic because he has a Theology degree from a Catholic seminary-