Don't you come to Basingstoke either, Martian, or I will smack your face as well as Martin Bloody Gibson!

I am now ensconsed wif me sister, Gladys, and we are discussin' wot a stupid, useless git I married when I walked up the isle wif Eddie Whatnoll! I must 'ave been out of me mind. 'E and 'is bloody parrot can rot in Bath till 'ell freezes over. 'E's fat, lazy, and full of 'isself, and so is the parrot. Full of 'isself, I mean...the parrot, that is. The parrot is not fat nor lazy. It's 'yperactive in fact. Eddie is the one wot's fat and lazy.

Gladys and me are plannin' to launch a new business wot will make Eddie wish 'e'd got off 'is duff and done somefink wif 'is life. 'E'll be green wif envy. The parrot already is green, but it ain't envy. It's just the natchural colour of the ugly bastard.