THE BURNS STATUE
(A FRAGMENT)
by William McGonagall

This Statue, I must confess, is magnificent to see,
And I hope will long be appreciated by the people of Dundee;
It has been beautifully made by Sir John Steell,
And I hope the pangs of hunger he will never feel.

This statue is most elegant in its design,
And I hope will defy all weathers for a very long time;
And I hope strangers from afar with admiration will stare
On this beautiful statue of thee, Immortal Bard of Ayr.

Fellow-citizens, this Statue seems most beautiful to the eye,
Which would cause Kings and Queens for such a one to sigh,
And make them feel envious while passing by
In fear of not getting such a beautiful Statue after they die.

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The only thing that puzzles me about this poem is that McGonagall normally goes on for at least 15 verses when he is this inspired. I gather that this is the only surviving fragment of a larger work that has been, alas, lost to posterity.

It grieves me, I must confess, this poetry to read,
Knowing that it is but a mere partial surviving fragment indeed,
Of what must truly have been, I do declare
A wondrous train of magnificent prose to recite to a lady fair

At which her cheeks would flush with delight like a fresh ripe tomato,
And not with the sallow hue of a common earthy potato
For poetry doth sooth the savage beast and it drives dull care away
As such, it is truly the nobler art most fashioned for the modern day

And thus I do declare with no doubt harboured in my breast
That the reading of good poetry doth ease the heart's painful distress
All widows and orphans and those who are stricken with dread disease
Should reach much fine poetry and thereby find themselves much greater ease

And upon the poets of this land there falls a clear responsibility,
To write, yes write! And write again and what the muse confers most
willingly,
For if 'twere not for inspiring words writ in poetry and prose
What comfort could there be in life, even if one had ample food and clothes?