These are a load of codswallop but there you go :-)

What does a fish play the piano with?
Fish fingers!

Two parrots were sitting on a perch...
one said to the other can you smell fish?

My fishmonger sold me some under sized shellfish.
I'm thinking of taking him to the small clams court!

I went to a seafood disco last week..................................and pulled a muscle!

What kind of hair does the ocean have?
Wavey hair !

Where do shellfish go to borrow money ?
To the prawn broker !

What do you call a big fish who makes you an offer you can't refuse ?
The Codfather !

How could the dolphin afford to buy a house ?
He prawned everything !

Which fish can perform operations ?
A Sturgeon !

What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys ?
He got lockjaw !

Where do fish wash ?
In a river basin !

Why did the whale cross the road ?
To get to the other tide !

Where do little fishes go every morning ?
To plaice school !

What fish goes up the river at 100mph ?
A motor pike !

What do you get from a bad-tempered shark ?
As far away as possible !

What did the sardine call the submarine ?
A can of people !

What's the difference between a fish and a piano ?
You can't tuna fish !

What do you call a dangerous fish who drinks too much ?
A beer-a-cuda !

Who has eight guns and terrorises the ocean ?
Billy the Squid !

What happened to the cold jellyfish ?
It set !

Where do you find a down-and-out octopus ?
On squid row !

What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout ?
Monkfish !

What kind of fish will help you hear better ?
A herring aid !

What do you call a fish with no eyes ?
Fsh !

How do fish go into business ?
They start on a small scale !

What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours ?
A hermit crab !

What fish only swims at night ?
A starfish !

Which fish go to heaven when they die ?
Angelfish !

What bit of fish doesn't make sense ?
The piece of cod that passeth all understanding !

What kind of money do fishermen make ?
Net profits !

What do you get if you cross a salmon, a bird's leg and a hand ?
Birdsthigh fish fingers !

What kind of noise annoys an oyster ?
A noisy noise annoys an oyster ! (Try saying that fast!)

What kind of fish goes well with ice-cream ?
Jellyfish !

What game do fish like playing the most ?
Name that tuna !

What do naked fish play with ?
Bare-a-cudas !

What do you get if you cross a big fish with an electricity pylon ?
An electric shark !

What is a dolphin's favorite TV show ?
Whale of fortune !

Why are fish boots the warmest ones to wear ?
Because they have electric 'eels !

To whom do fish go to borrow money ?
The loan shark !

Why are gold fish orange ?
The water makes them rusty !

Who held the baby octopus to ransome ?
Squidnappers !

What was the Tsar of Russia's favorite fish ?
Tsardines !

How do the fish get to school ?
By octobus !

Why did the lobster blush ?
Because the sea weed !

What part of a fish weighs the most ?
It's scales !

What fish do road-menders use ?
Pneumatic krill !

What is dry on the outside, filled with water and blows up buildings ?
A fish tank !

Who sleeps at the bottom of the sea ?
Jack the kipper !

What did the boy fish say to his girlfriend ?
'Your plaice or mine' !

Where does seaweed look for a job ?
In the 'Kelp-wanted' ads !

Why is a fish easy to weigh ?
Because it has its own scales !

What happens when sharks take their clothes off ?
They go sharkers !

1st kipper: 'Smoking's bad for you'
2nd kipper: 'It's OK, I've been cured'

What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather ?
Skate !

Where do you weigh whales ?
At a whale weigh station !

Where are most fish found ?
Between the head and the tail !

What do fish sing to each other ?
Salmon-chanted evening !

How does an octopus go to war ?
Well-armed !

What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus ?
I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand !

What do you get if you cross a trout with an apartment ?
A flat fish !

What did the dolphin say when her mate had an accident?
You did that on porpoise!