Here ya go:
Written by John Prine
As recorded by John Prine on “Sweet Revenge” (1973)
(recorded live at State University of New York, New Paltz, New York)
1. Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my feet are too long.
My hair's falling out and my rights are all wrong.
My friends they all tell me that I’ve no friends at all.
Won't you write me a letter? Won't you give me a call?
CHORUS: Bewildered, Bewildered, you have no complaint.
You are what you are and you ain't what you ain't.
So listen up, buster, and listen up good:
Stop wishin' for bad luck and knockin' on wood.
2. Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my fountain pen leaks.
My wife hollers at me and my kids are all freaks.
Every side I get up on is the wrong side of bed.
If it weren't so expensive I'd wish I were dead.
CHORUS: Unhappy, Unhappy, you have no complaint....
3. Dear Abby, Dear Abby, you won't believe this,
But my stomach makes noises whenever I kiss.
My girlfriend tells me it's all in my head,
But my stomach tells me to write you instead.
CHORUS: Noisemaker, Noisemaker, you have no complaint....
4. Dear Abby, Dear Abby, well I never thought
That me and my girlfriend would ever get caught.
We were sittin' in the back seat just shootin' the breeze
With her hair up in curlers and her pants to her knees.
Signed, Just Married.
CHORUS: Just Married, Just Married, you have no complaint....
Signed, Dear Abby. ^^