It's always difficult to visualise exactly the situation. I can imagine different versions of this scenario which lays 'blame' at different people's door. Did they know that the lady was your wife: did they know she was speaking on your behalf? Were you new to that session? Were they? All makes a difference. Was anyone else joining in before they did?
Not everyone works to the same set of session rules/conventions. I think it's easier to announce your wishes at the start 'Will you join me on this' or this is one I've been working on; I'd prefer it if you'd listen'
I'm always a bit twitchy about complaints after the event since a friend of ours felt driven out of a session following a quite vituperative thread on Mudcat.