Trips'll Hurt You (Tune: Skip To My Lou)

You want kicks, so what do you do?
You go sniff some airplane glue,
You take of like DC-2!
Trips'll hurt you, my darling.

Trips, trips, trips'll hurt you,
Trips, trips, trips'll hurt you,
Trips, trips, trips'll hurt you,
Trips'll hurt you, my darling.

You get tired of sniffing glue,
You take pot and acid too,
Soon the fuzz come after you!
Trips'll hurt you, my darling.

Trips, trips, trips'll hurt you,
Trips, trips, trips'll hurt you,
Trips, trips, trips'll hurt you,
Trips'll hurt you, my darling.

Why not do what your parents do?
Their example's set for you:
They drink scotch and bourbon too,
And Schlitz's brew, my darling!

Booze, booze, can it hurt you?
There's no "warning" sign in view!
V.I.P.'s all belt a few!
Booze ain't taboo, my darling!

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I've Got To Stop Smoking (Tune: On Top of Old Smoky)

I've got to stop smoking, my doctor has said,
Or else when I'm seven, I'm sure to be dead.
Cigarettes can cause cancer, and that makes no sense.
So I must stop stealing my dear Daddy's Kents.
Now here in the 60's, when going with chicks,
Cigarettes can bring status to a boy who is six.
But I must live clean now; at six life is ripe.
Cigarettes I will give up- and switch to a pipe!
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Pop Goes Your Eardrum (Tune: Pop Goes The Weasel)

Around and round the stereo spins,
The decibels are fearsome,
Your "Hair" LP is much too loud,
Pop goes your eardrum!

According to the scientist,
Load noise makes your ear numb,
Switch to Lawrence Welk, or else...
Pop goes your eardrum!