This just in!

Research in the archives at Troy Grove, Illinois has turned up the amazing fact that James Butler Hickock was not human. Work by noted genealogist Bee M'Donald has proved conclusively that "Wild Bill" Hickock was descented not from the Hickock family, but from a passing family with the surname "Sciurus."

"You could have knocked me over with a feather," said M'Donald. "One of the the legendary gunmen of the United States wasn't human at all, but a mutant left with the Hickock family."

M'Donald went on to say that this explained much that has puzzled researchers, especially Hickock's long hair. Apparently "Wild Bill" kept a full tail under his shirt and put the tip of it over his head, giving the impression of flowing locks.

The family of Jack McCall, who shot Hickock in Deadwood, South Dakota, is asking that his name be cleared on the basis of M'Donald's findings. "Ol' Jack warn't killing a feller," stated patriarch Jack McCall IX. "He was jist gittin' some huntin' in."

M'Donald stated that since Hickock's ancestry is now clarified, he is going to Michigan to research George Armstrong Custer, who he suspects was also a member of the wandering Sciurus family and "Wild Bill's" half-brother.

M'Donald's research will appear in a forthcoming issue of the scientific journal AIR.