Melbert, you might appreciate the following, which LEJ posted in some thread, somewhere, back in I think it was August. I had it in my email files, from sending it some family and friends.

BTW, worst gig I had, in the few I have had, was in high school when my A string broke in the middle of a Christmas concert. Load of fun, using those higher positions in the first violin section. At least the audience never knew.

From LeeJ:

Stop me if you've heard this...

An orchestra was putting on a performance of Beethoven's Ninth Symphony. There were two bass players who had a part in the first movement, and a part in the finale', but nothing in between. They requested permission from the conductor to leave the stage during the long period of inactivity, and were granted their request. At the end of the first movement, they exited the stage, and one said to the other "let's go across the street for a minute and grab a drink." They had one, then another, and finally one says "hadn't we better get back? They'll be getting close to the end." The other says "oh, don't worry. I've tied the last two pages of the conductor's sheet music together with string."

The two bassists finally returned to the auditorium, to see the conductor conducting with one hand while frantically trying to untie the string with the other. The audience were on the edge of their seats with tension. After all, it was the bottom of the Ninth, the score was tied, and the bassists were loaded.