BALD-HEADED MEN
Christine Lavin, 1993
(From Four Bitchin' Babes, volume 2)I don't like men who exaggerate
About the places they've been, about the money they make.
I like a man who's honest and true,
Who can look you in the eye when they talk to you.
I like men who accept who they are.
Not everybody can look like a movie star.
If you can follow this thought to its logical end,
You can see why I like bald-headed men.
--She said it before.
--She'll say it again.
I like bald-headed men.Everybody knows it's testosterone
That turns a bushy-haired man into a chrome dome.
But testosterone is what makes a man a man.
The more that he's got, the more that he can
Do the things that make the women go OY!
I'll take a bald-headed man over a big-haired boy.
Big-haired boys make very good friends,
But they cannot compare to bald-headed men.
--She said it before.
--She'll say it again.
I like bald-headed men.
Why would you waste your money joining that hair club for guys?
Why would you cover your manly badge of honor with such a bad disguise?
Why would you blow your money on Rogaine and Minoxidil,
When all it can guarantee are years and years of pharmacy bills?
Please don't do it.
--Yes, we believe the hair replacement industry
--For men is like the cosmetic industry for women--
--A giant black hole that will suck your money away
--For the rest of your lives.
Please don't do it.No matter how you fight it, time marches on.
Some new things appear. Some old things are gone.
Let 'em go. It's a natural thing,
Like a leaf off a tree, like a bird on a wing.
Try looking in your mirror from a whole different place.
You're not losing hair; you're gaining face.
Be confident. Be cool. It won't be long when
You'll find you are proud to be one of the bald-headed men.
--She said it before.
--She'll say it again.
I love bald-headed men.Now, I don't know if this is the song you're looking for, but it certainly must apply to a large number of the male participants here. As singer-songwriters go, I think Christine Lavin is pretty good. She's certainly clever, and occasionally almost profound.
-Joe Offer-