My two cats can hear a fridge door opening four gardens away, even with the back door closed. How do they do it?

And why will the tabby never touch milk but the white one will, and why will he only drink it when it has been spilled or poured on the floor or surface, and never out of the traditional mismatched saucer? Why does one of them go mad for brocolli and cauliflower, going so far as to knock it from the fork poised halfway to your mouth, and catch it before it hit the floor, and the other ignore it completely? And why does my daughter prefer cat biscuits to chocolate?

And what is this furry thing draped over the monitor, eyeing up my bag of crisps.......

Why does a certain brand of cat food make one cat fart like the breath of Hades, and not affect the other?

And how does the damned cat know the difference between my getting up to go to the loo, and getting up to go to the fridge......

Liz the Squeak