A guy I work with at school showed me the best sick note I've ever seen. It came from a rural family and read "Please excuse Sarah from games because a donkey bit her on the left tit."

I also got one from a mum who had left out the telling word "late". It read "Please excuse Sean for being. It was his father's fault."

And finally, to the downright bizarre, "James was not in school yesterday as he had diarrhoea through a hole in his shoe"!

Parents do this sort of thing MUCH better than doctors!