Hassan, an Iraqi soccer player has recently been signed up by Liverpool Football Club. At the first match, Hassan is on the bench, watching his team getting thrashed by a rival 2-0. 30 minutes from the end, the manager says "Hassan, you go on lad, see if you can turn the match". Hassan goes on, plays a blinder, scores 3 goals and Liverpool win. The crowd goes bonkers - Hassan is the hero of the hour. Photographers scuffle in front of him, kids thrust their autograph books at him, girls of all ages throw him bits of paper with their telephone number, the manager pats him on the back and offers him a raise on the spot. When he finds a little time to himself, Hassan calls his mum at home:

"Mum, I played a blinder today, scored three, we won, I am a hero, everybody loves me, I'm so happy!"

"Glad to hear YOU are happy, son, because I had a hell of a day. Your Dad has been shot at in the street, your brother joined a looting gang and your sister is on the game, I think."

"Oh, Mum, I am so sorry - I didn't know..."

"Too right you should be sorry! After all it's YOUR fault we moved to Liverpool!"

Boom-boom...