Janie, sorry - I didn't mean to imply you didn't love her. I've been sticking my foot in my mouth all day. The sentence should have started, "this was somebody people, including you, loved, even if you didn't have much contact in recent years." I could tell you loved her, or you wouldn't be worried about crying. I also believe you're a loving person.

From my own experience with my mom, I somehow thought that because I was living a distance away for a long time and knew how sick she was, losing her wouldn't be as bad. Maybe it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was still very hard.