Jesus, the Germans are on to us!

Okay, they're all at a secret airbase outside Thule, Greenland, frozen in cryogenics chambers along with JFK, MLK, Marilyn Monroe, Janis Joplin, Hendrix, Elvis, and the crews of the nuclear submarines "Thresher" and "Seawolf." All of those who you think that died in the Vietnam thing are likewise frozen up there, because the Vietnam War was really done in a studio outside of Anaheim, California.

We also have the Holy Grail, the Book of Mormon, the Ark of the Covenant, and Noah's big boat there.

Now, at last, I can sleep soundly knowing that I have shared these truths with others.