Get a fresh turkey. Get a huge pot -- at least five gallons. Fill the pot with oil. Heat the oil to boiling. Sling in the turkey. When it done, take it out. Serve the turkey to your guests, and only to your guests, reminding yourself not to use motor oil the next time.

Or make what we're making this Tgiving: reservations.

(Actually, we usually get a smoked turkey breast and gently heat it. Delicious, and no waste to speak of. But this year we are going out for Thanksgiving dinner.)