How about the notice on many a notice board for the Adult literacy scheme:

Need help in reading signs and notices? Ask inside for details.....

Then there was my cat, little white fluffy thing it was then (all teeth and tangles now, ears like bus tickets and a knowing look on his face...), poised delicately neither in nor out of the cat flap, suspended by the middle, in a door that was open wide..... I suspect he was waiting for the other cat to come and lick his bum, like cats do, but you never know......

Someone asked me a question yesterday - Is New Years day going to be 1st Jan next year? Doh!!

LTS