Hey, you. Morton Terwilliger, the Senile Account in the Department of Rear End Dunces or where ever it is you do what you call work.

Yer poem's reminiscent of yer knowledge of poetry and writing: A Wasteland. A vast wasteland, too. And since you only sit around all day writing cease-and-desist letters to those who can and do, you probably also have a vast waistland.

Anyway, ya silly piece of bureaucratic crapola, I'm gonna do what I want and you ain't gonna stop me. I'll write a whole Alexandrine, a sonnet sequence, a verse drama -- hell, I'll write a whole goddamned epic -- if I want to. Us Americans fought two wars aginst England and saved their butts in two more. We even forgave the Limeys fer outfitting boats like Alabama back during the Recent Unpleasantness Between The States an' therewith sticking their noses into where they didn't belong. You lissen ta me, sucker: it ain't the Queen's English on this side of the pond!

Every one of your so-called "English" writers was really either American or Irish -- betcha didn't know that little bit of fact, didcha? Jeffy Chaucer, Billy Ray Shakespeare, "Big Al" Pope, T.S. Eliot, Johnny Bob Dryden, Ginny Wolfe, Janey "Boom-Boom" Austen, the Bronte Sister Act, Chuck "Little" Dickens, Toby Smollett, "Blind Lightin'" Milton, "Daring Dan" Defoe -- all of 'em were American. And the ones like Johnny Swift and Ozzy Wilde were all Irish.

Hurts, don't it?

So jist back off, bucko, or you'd best be puttin' on yer kneepads, 'cause you'll be going down.

Sincerely yours,
Rapaire