I always wanted a parrot.... to teach it to swear at the vicar. Trouble is, my previous vicar would probably swear back at it....

Although I did know a pub mynah bird which could impersonate the telephone accurately... sent the landlord batty because the phone wasn't in the bar. When the bird learnt to imitate the closing bell, it was, by popular demand from the clientele, removed to the upstairs lounge.

LTS