If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby prop, sir.
Cause I'd support a hooker
And you'd support a hooker
We'd all support a hooker together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Supporting hookers together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby 2nd row
I'd sniff butt
And you'd sniff butt
We'd all sniff butt together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Sniffing butt together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby scrum half
I'd put it in
And you'd put it in
We'd all put it in together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Putting it in together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a half-time orange
I'd get sucked
And you'd get sucked
We'd all get sucked together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting sucked together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a spectator on a rainy day
I'd come in rubbers
And you'd come in rubbers
We'd all come in rubbers together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Coming in rubbers together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a spectator on a sunny day
I'd come in come again
And you'd come again
We'd all come again together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Coming again together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby grounds keeper #1
I'd trim bush
And you'd trim bush
We'd all trim bush
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Trimming bush together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby grounds keeper #2
I'd do lines
And you'd do lines
We'd all do lines
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Doing lines together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby boot
I'd come in boxes
And you'd come in boxes
We'd all come in boxes together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Coming in boxes together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby cleat, sir.
I'd get screwed
And you'd get screwed
We'd get screwed together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting screwed together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby ball, sir.
I'd get pumped
And you'd get pumped
We'd get pumped together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting pumped together.

If I were a marrying kind--
I thank the Lord I'm not, sir--
The kind of man that I would be
Would be a rugby whistle, sir.
I'd get blown
And you'd get blown
We'd get blown together.
We'd be all right in the middle of the night
Getting blown together.

HTML line breaks added. --JoeClone, 4-Apr-03.