Dear Metchosin,
You are woman, hear yourself roar? My dear you are a fine woman and you must know, it is the men of this world that have taken from women, the right to stand and pee. So knock back those beers my dear and start a new day by pissing in the wind with the boys.
As for your sinus headache-sniff peppermint oil and the whiskers on your chin are noble and deserve their righteous place exactly where they are.

                                    With fond wishes,
                                        Aunty Clare