I approach this thread with caution, because it is serious business to deal with this issue--an issue that should not be taken lightly. True, the wags and wits will have their day(s), but I think a question of this nature demands a good answer. It's elementary.

1) Use the paper that breaks down most quickly, because no one wipes their for three or four minutes anyway.

2) Keep your nails trimmed or you could go right through the paper in a trice. If you need to have long nails, ask a good friend to be your 'groom of the stool'. It would not be asking too much for that friend to warm his or her hand first. (In for a penny, in for a pound.)

3) If you take the suggestion in #2, be sure to say thank you.

4) If you ignore #3, you are a cad, and you deserve to have your finger(s) go through the paper.

5) This is a good reason to wear clean underwear, because if you and your friend ever have a falling out, you would not want him/her saying things about your personal cleanliness.

That's my thought on the matter. I hope this helps.