Then, Sam, if your friend is a school teacher, there's the old Glasgow favorite:
Oor wee school's the best wee school
It's made wi' bricks and plaster,
The only thing that's wrang wi' it's
the baldy-heided master,
He goes tae the pub on a Saturday
He goes tae church on Sunday
Tae pray tae God tae gie him strength
Tae face the weans on Monday.