The rooms:

Parents' bedroom - we stay out of it unless the tv downstairs is in use and we have permission to watch the tv in it. They have a HUGE room with a walk-in closet and an attached master bathroom. This area alone is 1/3 of the total upstairs. That's quite ok, they deserve it. His dad is very successful and his mother is able to be a housewife because of his success.

Guestroom - Second largest room, about 1/3 of the remainder and rectangular shaped. Where we can sleep as long as it is only 8-9 hours, which is not adequate for me because of health problems. I am not allowed to sleep elsewhere during the day, either, to catch up on the sleep that my body requires. During the hours of 9 am to midnight, that room is *expected* to be the family computer room: lots of battle noises from games, people playing music albums, etc. They won't use headphones on the computer, either, even when we offered to buy a pair. Even when they use the room until very late, we are expected to get up at 10 am at the latest. My body cannot function on that little sleep for long. (It may seem like a lot to you but seriously, I wake up tired unless I've had 12 hours sleep most of the time.) I sleep through alarms, etc. We've taken to locking the door occasionally so that I can function occasionally. I'm also sick very often and need even more sleep, and then they're upset that they can't use that room and that I smell bad when I'm sick... but there is nowhere else to sleep.

Steve's room - too small for a double bed unless we find another room for quiet computing, in which case we can move one of the desks out. It has a nook behind the stairs that has another desk.

Steve's brother's room - empty except for holidays as his brother has a semi-fosterage situation because of autism. I am not allowed by the parents to use this room and haven't had a chance to ask the brother if I could use it when he's away.

Basement - full of parental stuff and has some of our stuff (dishes from the apartment that Steve lost $6000 by living in, etc.) which we will need if we can actually manage to move out. No room for more of our stuff to move out of Steve's room. Too musty and full of stuff for me to use as computer space.

All the rooms on the main floor are open and not suitable for computing, especially since the tv is on a lot.


There are two possible solutions here and his parents don't want either one.

1) Clear out Steve's room into the basement as much as possible and get a double futon in there. I use his brother's room to compute in except during holidays when I'm sure I could use the bed for a few days. If his brother agrees to this then maybe the three of us could overrule their objection to it.

2) Swap Steve's room and the guestroom, which would allow me to sleep and allow computer access for everyone easily in Steve's "old" room. Steve at least uses headphones.

They do not want to set either solution in place, mostly because they are trying to force me to only sleep the "normal" amount of time, ignoring what my body actually needs, and completely ignoring when I am sick. Because according to them, it's excessive.

I appreciate the food, I appreciate having a bed at all. I do not appreciate that I don't actually LIVE here and that my needs except for basic food and basic-according-to-them shelter are completely ignored.

dianavan - I've cooked several times, they like my cooking, and supposedly they like my music. (Although they don't like me actually composing or practising music here, so although they like my music they don't want an actual musician living with them. It's ok because my teeth are too bad for me to play flute now.) Steve does yard work and often gets groceries. We dog-sit when they visit his brother. We've offered to pay rent and they've refused to accept it. Sure, we need the money, but we also need to LIVE not just exist. We are helping out around here. That's not the issue. The sleep/privacy/room usage and the attempts at controlling not just our behaviour but who we are, are the issues.

Gypsy - Thank you!

kat - he has ADD and is very bright but so far has not had adequate treatment, encouragement or support. They've concentrated all efforts on his brother since his brother was an active problem, not just an underachieving problem. They also thought that he had a higher-functioning form of autism so tried to treat him with the same strategies as they treated his brother. He does not have autism, and it only took me half an hour of online research to determine that. (Besides which the doctors he went to earlier in life diagnosed ADD and not Aspergers.)

The medications he was on in high school did not work for him and might have caused even more of a problem. Besides which, if he got disability benefits he would not be able to sponsor me, and he really would prefer to work. He just doesn't know what he's capable of yet. (Also, after seeing me on welfare, he's rather determined to never have to go on it!)

We went to the bookstore today to look up books about the link between ADD and certain MBTI personality types, as I saw some books on amazon that might give him a clue what jobs to go for that he wouldn't get fired from. A lot of interesting information. We'll also be looking for testing and training that he would be suited for. WYSIWYG is helping us to find programs and agencies.

We haven't had a chance to talk to the parents about the ADD issue yet, but will do so. Hopefully they'll be able to listen more to what we actually need from their support once they know that, instead of trying to force us to be normal.

If not, we'll unfortunately continue to be unable to function well enough to... well... function. That's what happens when you get the support that other people think you should get instead of getting what you actually need.