My stepson was clinically hyperactive - which was or is very similar to what is now called ADD or ADHD. His mother (she is dead now) helped to teach him to make lists so he did not forget things, and to take charge of managing his life so that he could function best within it.

In his mid-teens he discovered that marijuana reduced the tendency towards ricocheting off the walls.

He got a first in philosophy at university.

It's about managing - taking charge in stead of coping. Most people with ADD and ADHD are intelligent but need to structure the way they use the intelligence. For this they need informed support and advice, but they must take (a gradual process) responsibility. Also, most people with it need very little sleep, so you and he could maybe swap beds. Family counselling may help here. Family counselling may be very important, because the walls have gone up and you and his parents are not now working with each other but against each other.

Elevated bed is probably a good start. Share one computer with two ID's on it in the desk area under the bed for "quiet" computing, and there will probably be room also for one small clothesrail in there as well. Another possibility is a flip-up bed.

Shelve and sort the cupboard (if parents will permit). It is quite fantastic how sorting a stuffed space can make more space from nowhere. You will probably be able to get either a small chest of drawers in the bottom, or shelves for your clothes, or even a pull-out or flip-out shelf to use the laptop on. Otherwise set up the laptop with two IDs too and use it in the other computing room when quiet to work is not so absolutely essential.

You may then be able to sleep in his bed (particularly if elevated) when you need extra sleep. You may also be able to go to bed early in it when the other computer room is in use.

Teeth can make you really ill. Make teeth a priority. Maybe even suggest to his parents that it is POSSIBLY (no guarantees) that that is making you ill and if you can raise some money will they match it. If you are regularly ill, something needs treating.

Huge sleep requirement is also often contributed to by depression. I could point you in the right direction for some treatment here in the UK, maybe, but in the USA I have no idea. Support group possibly a good start. WHen I have been very sleep-deprived I have been known to snatch half an hour kip at lunchtime on, say, a park bench near work (sitting up) or even in summer when the grass is dry, lying on the grass.

Shelve and sort the basement too: this is something you can do together for there is probably enough space. You may even be able to involve his parents in it too, to show how you are trying to help. Of course you will need to ask first if you can do it. A very small oil-filled electric radiator with thermostat on "low" will dry most basements in a couple of weeks, and the extra electricity cost not even noticed (particularly if it can be done mostly on night rate electricity - I assume the USA has that). Then you maybe will have a music room so your playing does not impinge his parents space. Or then it might be usable for you and maybi him as well to compute.

Work: I like the idea of him as a telecommuter with you secretly doing the work. Another possible is perhaps to re-approach the job he left, explain why he left, explain his problem, and ask if he can try again. It may well be his boss was not about to be disappointed - that your husband was really doing OK and just doubting himself. In the UK your husband would have rights under the Disability DIscrimination Act (can't say for the USA) and moreover the employer could get brownie points towards any related quotas or quota targets he might be subject to. It is important that your husband manages his life so as to function in the community. Your and his parents support in this is necessary. Then if your husband also owned his telecommuting business and you just told people he was out when they phoned and then sent them emails in his name with the work done (tee-hee) you could be well on the way to paying back the money from his parents towards your teeth.

Change is essential. No change is not an option. It will only lead to adverse change.