The thing about ADHD is that a lot of different conditions and causes seem to be lumped into one catchall diagnostic category. Then people are diagnosed with ADD or ADHD and put on medications without other alternatives being put forward. There's a lot more research now, and as usual medication is not enough without behavioural strategies as well. Sometimes only behavioural strategies are required, depending on the type and severity of the ADD.

This site discusses some other causes of attention-deficit and/or hyperactive behaviours, as well as the classic cause. A lot of the books have their own terms for the different so-called types of ADD: "outward" or "classic"; "inward" or "internal"; "hyperfocus" or something else; "ring of fire" for when it seems to be all types of ADD at once. Some of these might be brain defects, but a lot could also just be brain differences that are also contained in the continuum of normal brain functioning. Differences are necessary for diversity, after all.

Previously it was posited in psychology and brain research that any non-normal functioning was aberrant in a BAD way and the functioning must be "restored" to normal. But some differences are positive, and who determines what is actually normal anyway?

Steve is not hyperactive at all and has always been a rather quiet person even as a kid. He is non-verbal, highly intelligent in visual and kinesthetic and idealogical ways, highly creative in the way he processes information and in his ideas, highly scattered and tangential in thought patterns, and extremely sensitive to abuses of authority. He's had some vocational testing but it was inconclusive (basically, "you can do pretty much anything" which doesn't really help much).

I talked to his mother, so there is the beginning of dialogue now.

Apparently his father might be ADD as well, but has built up such a routine for himself that he appears to not be ADD at all - he appears to be merely a fairly strict authoritarian. (That is actually one of the things discussed in the books we read, that people who cope well as adults with ADD often have created routines that allow them to function.) I think he's been putting a lot of pressure on Steve because they're so similar that he thinks what worked for him should work for Steve. Unfortunately it's not that simple, and that attitude makes him difficult to talk to about things.

Steve's mother said that it's been difficult to help him because too much attention caused him to withdraw and not be able to express to them what he needed... and too little made him feel neglected. That's probably a result of his frustration with the non-verbal way that he functions compared to what is expected.

She said that they had tests for him before moving to another city, but that since he was doing well in school they never really did anything with the test results.

He might have been doing well academically but he was frustrated and underachieving, and also internalizing his problems. Of course, with his brother being autistic they also had their hands full with a child who was being a behavioural problem far worse than Steve.

The only things we can do now are to get Steve some vocational testing, perhaps a mentor who's had the same type of ADD and other problems and dealt with those, and some hands-on training (hopefully paid training so that we can stay together).

His sensitivity to the wrong forms of authority makes it difficult for him to even discipline himself. So a lot of the tips for how to deal with ADD won't work in this situation. But we'll start with the strategies we can actually implement, and go from there.

I would not be able to do paid work until 3 months after we get our application together. I'm unsure about volunteer work... Unless he's working at that time they might just throw out the application on grounds of lack of ability to support the spouse through the time required.