Dear Santa et al.,

I really have been very very good, despite your assistant's protestations. Neatness is one of those accursed vices that I have never been afflicted with, nor even tempted by. Show me a neat desk and I'll show you a horribly cluttered mind.

My manners are impeccable. I open doors, let cars in in traffic, am polite to telemarketers, and always put the toilet seat down.

Do please look kindly upon me -- Tom