Here's my two-part pipe dream:

1) Peggy and I move to my family's ancestral farm in County Mayo, Ireland. My 70+year-old second cousin and his wife keep their newish home on one wide of the narrow one-lane road, and we take over the previous farmhouse across the way, inhabited only by sheep since about 1980. We renovate the place to include all modern amenities, build additions as necessary, and go into the bed-and-breakfast business.

Why it'll (probably) never happen: First of all, we'd have to hit the lottery or otherwise come into unexpected riches to make the necessary investment. Plus, the place is far off the beaten track -- not much in the way of tourist attractions nearby, and you have to drive a mile and a half down a *skinny* one-lane road lined with stone fences to find the place. Not an ideal B&B location, or even a suitable one.

2) Once a year, for the six weeks starting a week before Thanksgiving and ending on Christmas Eve, I fly back to the states, take up residence in a motel room near a suburban mall in a major metropolitan area, and work 50-60 hours a week as a full-time Santa Claus. These jobs exist for the lucky few, and pay as much as $30,000 for the six-week season.

Why it might not happen: I've been an excellent Santa the last two years, working part-time for an independant photographer who employs a number of part-time Santas. I've been assuming that I could look forward to one of those cushy full-time Santa jobs after retirement. BUT -- after a bout with neck cancer and radiation treatment earlier this year, I'm suddendly less well-qualified: I lost 65 pounds, all my facial hair, and a couple of highly visible front teeth (necessary assets when you smile for the camera all day long).

I can (and will) get false teeth, and I can wear a padded suit in lieu of gaining all that weight back, but the beard may never be the same. It's thin all over, and I have irregular bald spots on the right side, where the radiation was concentrated. The serious high-paying Santa jobs do NOT go to guys who have to wear the false beard; the beard has to be big, thick, and ideally white (or light enough gray to effectively "take" some white greasepaint). You just can't make the same contact with the kids with your face hidden behind a wad of synthetic fuzz.